Pipes Feed Preview: Half in the Bag

  1. Half in the Bag: Top 10 Horror Movies (2024) Part 2

    Fri, 08 Nov 2024 17:37:29 -0000

    (00:00) Trap
    (15:40) Last Straw
    (24:14) A Quiet Place: Day One
    (27:14) Blink Twice
    (34:09) The First Omen
    (37:50) Speak No Evil
    (41:33) I Saw the TV Glow
    (48:42) Oddity
    (55:23) The Substance

    Mike and Jay are modern day circus clowns. Just uglier and stupider. They are here for you today to talk about movies no one will remember in two months. This is the second half of the top ten horror movies seen by Mike and Jay in the first part of the second half of the year. If you understood that give yourself a pat on the back because I didn't. Point is: Here's a bunch of recently released films that these two old clown-farts will yammer on about giving you their ill-gotten and half-wit opinions on. Mike seems to be the dumber of the two. What kind of man watches the AfrAId movie? What kind of man watches Blumhouse trash when he can be doing things like going to the gym to lose an excess 90 pounds? Wait till he finds out Speak No Evil was distributed by Blumhouse! He'll feel so stupid then! Why no one call it Dumbhouse yet? NO ONE THINKS ODF THAT? Jay likes the Substance because of course he does. Mike likes Oddity because he's easily amused and spooked by creep sauce visuals and boring ass movies. I watched that movie and I was so bored I had to doom scroll on TikTok to keep my self from passing out from boredom. Jay likes to see people suffer and for weird things to come out of their bodies and boobies. Jay also can appreciate a soft-touch art house film (fart house film) that taps into the heart of what it is to be human in this crazy crazy world. Sometimes we need a break from smashing and killing and cutting and violence and have a nice film like I Saw the Substance Glow. But the most disagreeable thing in this video is Jay's love for Trap. Mike also loves Trap, but Mike loves the style of music. Mike is correct on this cringe fest. What a Shamshow. Mike is also right on his other picks and Jay is wrong. So check out these flims everyone. They are pretty good!
  2. Half in the Bag: Top 10 Horror Movies (2024) Part 1

    Wed, 23 Oct 2024 14:24:39 -0000

    (00:00) Intro
    (4:46) Trailers Montage/Opening Discussion
    (14:36) MaXXXine
    (17:12) Mike’s dishonorable mentions
    (20:49) The Watchers
    (21:07) Stopmotion
    (27:06) Salem’s Lot
    (31:34) The Coffee Table
    (36:20) In a Violent Nature

    Halloween. What is it? A celebration of all things spooky, scary, and macabre. Are all horror movies Halloween movies? No. Are all Halloween movies horror movies? Yes. Except for stupid kids movies. In America we celebrate Halloween on October 31st. In Canada they celebrate Halloween on May 11th the day after Queen’s Day and the day before Boxing Day. In England they called Halloween “Pumpkin Eve” and when little kids ring the doorbells they say, “Trick or Teeth”. Folks hand out a trick or toothpaste (called teethpaste north of Buckinghampshire not not as far south as Willhubsmanfeld upon Blumberston”. In North Korea Halloween is called Thursday.
    But Americans invented the horror film. The first horror film ever made was 1997’s “I Know What You Did Last Summer” and since then it’s been an amazing journey of terror and screams for you to annoy your religious Grandparents with. Tell them you’re putting on The Last Temptation of Christ and play Terrorizer 3. When the film ends they had no idea they were pranked. Praise Jesus they say! Horror movies should be all released in October. But they aren’t. It’s too many films to jam into one month so they come out all year. This is why Mike and Jay have compiled this list since June. While planning for the years end 2024 recap, it was discovered that most films they’ve watched drifted into the disturbing and macabre. Not always a traditional “Halloween” movie, but often containing disturbing violence, spooky visuals, paranormal events, murders, and so forth. So why wait until the end of the year to talk about these movies? Why not talks about them now? Mike and Jay go hopelessly off-topic so much this video is split into two parts. Part 1 #10 - #6 or so. There’s some overlap and things out of order so get ready to be annoyed. But also get ready to laugh, as Jay and Mike present their witty inimitable banter with a healthy dose of lies, misleading information, incorrect facts, and jokes that aren’t funny in any way.
    Please also be advised that these are not the top ten best horror films of 2024. For one, Jay and Mike have already talked about some horror movies already which they aren’t including. There is also many more months in 2024. It’s not over. These are the top ten recent horror films watching between roughly June and today. Not matter how many times we mention this most of you will say, “But what about…” and “You should have put this or that at number whatever.” It is a forgone conclusion 94% of you will still not understand what this video is. I’m so sorry. I know this is confusing and it is what it is.
  3. Half in the Bag: Beetlejuice Beetlejuice

    Tue, 10 Sep 2024 23:44:57 -0000

    Remember Beetlejuice? That very unique and original 1980s film that has spanned generations as a classic film with tons of memorable characters, performances, and iconography? Well...it's back. They did it again. They made another one with those same characters, same performances, and same iconography. Welcome to the underworld of modern movie IP-mining. Dig in!!! Everything old is up for grabs, just waiting to be recycled!
  4. Half in the Bag: Strange Darling

    Sat, 24 Aug 2024 22:26:27 -0000

    Movies. What is they? A series of images accompanied by sound and music to tell a story. Who makes them? Artists? Clowns? Men and/or Women? Beef? A.I.s will soon make them and everything else and that's when the wars start. Save antibiotics and anti-radiation pills. Invest in canned food and shotguns. Build a fence around your property with barbed wire even though your elderly neighbors tell you it's an "eye sore". Tell them, "First A.I.s will make an episode of Spongebob Squarepants and next they'll be coming to harvest your organs for Chinese billionaire gangsters on the black market through the dark web". I found the site already. It's called www.crackerguts.com. On the site is a photo of my fat face with a caption that reads: We want everything but your liver. But I digress. Today Mike and Jar went BACK to the Monkeypox filled movie theaters to watch "Strange Darling", the new film starring Kyle Gallner (pronounced Gouwlinger) and others. Strange Darling is a weird, erotic, violent, indie-love story gone awry with the stench of mental illness and emotional manipulation. You could say it's the story of my childhood minus the broken shin bone that occurred in the back of a Pacer after we were hit by a drunk driver named "Ted Danson".
    Kyle Gallner and Willa Fitzgerald light the screen on fire with performances that'll make you sh*t your trousers with last night's beans. Intense, bold, and shocking with lots of twists and turns, Strange Darling will keep you guessing and entertained the whole time. Unless two fly over apes from Milwaukee spoiled it for you. They tried to spoil not much. As little as possible and there are warnings, so pay attention. Just go see the movie, then watch the FULL review for fun. I support indie films. I mean, I don't support Tubi indie films like "VelcoSharktoClown" and trash like that, but real indie films that take care and effort to try to make something good, well yeah we support that. Maybe all the people that worked on this movie are huge as*h*les. I have no idea, but when it comes to sitting my fat a** down on a theater seat stained with dried cheese, if the movie shows me something, anything new and interesting I'm all for it. Overall the movie gets an F-
  5. Half in the Bag - Alien: Romulus

    Sat, 17 Aug 2024 16:17:45 -0000

    Aliens
    Facehuggers
    Get away from her, you b*tch!
    The Nostromo
    Reebok shoes
    CGI deepfake dead actor deepfakes
    Evil android that's loyal to the company
    black goo
    MU/TH/ER
    Weyland Yutani
    The Engineers
    People in Alien Queen wall cocoons but there's no Alien Queen to put them in the cocoons; it just happens
    Protagonist getting into underwear then having to get into space suit
    Opening hole in the ship to shoot the alien out of the ship
    Every day is an endless nightmare
  6. Half in the Bag: Borderlands

    Mon, 12 Aug 2024 17:53:01 -0000

    Eli Roth made a boom boom. Mike and Jay talks about Borderlands. What a misfire! Odd casting choices. No one want to make. Adult professionals pretend to "care" about characters in video game they never hear of so they can make a check to pay for their yachts and shrimp. The behind the scenes interviews where these clowns pretend to care might be the most cringe rizz eva. Jayme Loins Curtis (daughter of Bill Curtis son of King Arthur of Legend) is so old even Michael Myers is too old to kill her. Even Activa won't eat her old gut rot. She pretends to love and care about her character, Rizzo McPizzo but don't give none sh*ts. Her net worth is 197 million dollars. Why she even work anymore? Just be grandma and let others have roles. Poor Cate Beckenblachett. Is it that hard to find good project? Tar 2: Back to the Tar Pits? You're much better than to play Ronald McDonald's sister. Kevin Hart like cash. We all know that. He sell out super bowl to tell jokes to audience of mongoloid farmers and city-folk who laugh at man on stage. He take role for cash and babbles about how he's learned so much and loved working with other actors, blah blah blah. Hart has over 500 million dollars in his bank now. Little girl who play Tiny Tim cry when she sees Rotten Tomato score. "Am I rotten?" she asks her mommy and daddy. Did I ruin the movie? No. EVERYONE ruin the movie. Especially Eli Roth. Craig Mazin said, "Take my name out you're f**king mouth!" before he slapped this film on live TV. Eli Roth left the set in a jet pack when the filming was done. The second he called action for the first time he realized it was a horrible mistake to cast numerous old ladies in the film who players of this game have never ever heard of. Should have made the cast of TikTok stars or YouTubers like the clown MrBeast. "What have I done?" he say! I ruined the legacy of this game no one has ever heard of! Whoopsie! Off to shoot Thanksgiving. Maybe making this film was a bad dream? Maybe they fix it in post. Doesn't appear to be so. This movie cost 110 million dollars to make. Sad to think that you could have made 110, one million dollar movies. So many interesting stories and ideas and Borderlands is a result of the old school Hollywood bloat and dinosaur thinking. You could have made 200 million dollars uploading a video to YouTube called "I tried all the fast foods and guess which one made me sh*t the most" so many people would have watched that. I'd watch that. End the madness. Art is dead.
  7. Half in the Bag: Deadpool & Wolverine

    Sun, 28 Jul 2024 21:28:55 -0000

    Deadpool's back!
    Marvel's back!
    Disney's back!
    Wolverine's back!

    Everything old is new again, but it's also meta.
  8. Half in the Bag: Longlegs and Arcadian

    Sun, 14 Jul 2024 00:39:38 -0000

    Heeeyyyyyy we saw Longlegs, which is either the scariest movie ever made or the most boringest thing anyone has ever seen. We also saw Arcadian, which is either a real movie or something that Mike and Jay collectively imagined. Both star Nicolas Cage!!!
  9. Half in the Bag - Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga

    Sun, 26 May 2024 16:13:40 -0000

    Jay and Rich talk about the latest box office disappointment in a continuing year of box office disappointments: Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga. Watch the video now before the movie completely fades from the public consciousness because it's a floppppppp....
  10. Half in the Bag: 2024 Mid-year Catch-up (part 2 of 2)

    Wed, 22 May 2024 15:13:18 -0000

    (00:00) The Iron Claw
    (04:55) The Phantom Menace re-release
    (06:15) Last Stop in Yuma County
    (09:57) Time Addicts
    (11:19) Kim's Video
    (15:55) Abigail
    (25:08) Love Lies Bleeding
    (31:46) Mike Forces Jay to Watch an Embarrassing Trailer
  11. Half in the Bag: 2024 Mid-year Catch-up (part 1 of 2)

    Fri, 17 May 2024 20:33:32 -0000

    (00:00) Intro
    (06:42) Curb Your Enthusiasm and Unfrosted
    (11:11) Lousy Carter
    (16:09) Snack Shack
    (23:18) Imaginary and Night Swim
    (34:17) Chucky
  12. Half in the Bag: Late Night with the Devil

    Sat, 27 Apr 2024 15:13:30 -0000

    Mike and Jay discuss the new found-footage-ish demonic movie Late Night with the Devil! But more importantly, they break a very important and rare VCR repair tool or something.
  13. Half in the Bag: Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire

    Sat, 23 Mar 2024 18:06:59 -0000

    Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire is the newest Ghostbusters movie. It's the sequel to the last Ghostbusters movie, which was a franchise reset from the Ghostbusters movie before that one. Do you...do you remember Ghostbusters?
    Mike, Jay, and Rich sit in an empty void to discuss this latest Sony product.

    Do you remember Ghostbusters?
  14. Half in the Bag: Derivative Holiday Horrors

    Fri, 29 Dec 2023 16:01:01 -0000

    The holiday season may be sort of over (except for News Years) but the derivative holiday-related shit films keep pooping out of our TVs. Hi, I'm Porky Fartbag and I'm here today to tell you about Mike and Jay (aka redlettermedia) they do a show called Half in the Bag where they talk about movies. On this episode they watched three recent holiday films: It's a Wonderful Knife, There's Something in the Barn, and Thanksgiving. It would have been more appropriate if there was a News Years Eves film in there too, but such as it goes. While a murderous Santa or horror Christmas film in the 1980's would have caused a stir, today it's par for the course. What, with all the filthy p*rn, shameful home renovation shows , trash music, angry political programing, and TLC fatso shows; a killer Santa Claus seems quaint. However, people keep making these movies hoping to shock or catch a view. They cost very little and can squeeze out a few bucks via the streaming services and their satanic algorithms. Lost is art. Art is no more. It's metrics. It's actuary tables. It's core demographics. It’s titles needed for the streaming service content related algorithm. In fact, we kind of suspect that a computer made these movies for us. Thankfully though, 2023 might be the last year of movies, as I predict sometime in 2024 someone, somewhere will launch or detonate a nuclear weapon. This incident will cause a domino effect on the planet earth. No, not an all-out global thermonuclear war, but certainly chaos. Rebellions, mass migration, power grid failures, supply chain collapse, violent protests, starvation, mass murder and so on. Cities will burn. The planet will go dark and we will all long for a simpler time when we could watch a killer Santa Claus movie and share a laugh around the fireplace.
  15. Half in the Bag: 2023 Catch-up (Part 2)

    Fri, 08 Dec 2023 16:53:37 -0000

    (00:00) Asteroid City
    (05:45) The Flash
    (10:48) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem
    (13:04) Sanctuary
    (16:03) Suitable Flesh
    (20:39) Aporia
    (26:12) The Killer
    (29:30) TV Shows