Pipes Feed Preview: Half in the Bag

  1. Half in the Bag: Strange Darling

    Sat, 24 Aug 2024 22:26:27 -0000

    Movies. What is they? A series of images accompanied by sound and music to tell a story. Who makes them? Artists? Clowns? Men and/or Women? Beef? A.I.s will soon make them and everything else and that's when the wars start. Save antibiotics and anti-radiation pills. Invest in canned food and shotguns. Build a fence around your property with barbed wire even though your elderly neighbors tell you it's an "eye sore". Tell them, "First A.I.s will make an episode of Spongebob Squarepants and next they'll be coming to harvest your organs for Chinese billionaire gangsters on the black market through the dark web". I found the site already. It's called www.crackerguts.com. On the site is a photo of my fat face with a caption that reads: We want everything but your liver. But I digress. Today Mike and Jar went BACK to the Monkeypox filled movie theaters to watch "Strange Darling", the new film starring Kyle Gallner (pronounced Gouwlinger) and others. Strange Darling is a weird, erotic, violent, indie-love story gone awry with the stench of mental illness and emotional manipulation. You could say it's the story of my childhood minus the broken shin bone that occurred in the back of a Pacer after we were hit by a drunk driver named "Ted Danson".
    Kyle Gallner and Willa Fitzgerald light the screen on fire with performances that'll make you sh*t your trousers with last night's beans. Intense, bold, and shocking with lots of twists and turns, Strange Darling will keep you guessing and entertained the whole time. Unless two fly over apes from Milwaukee spoiled it for you. They tried to spoil not much. As little as possible and there are warnings, so pay attention. Just go see the movie, then watch the FULL review for fun. I support indie films. I mean, I don't support Tubi indie films like "VelcoSharktoClown" and trash like that, but real indie films that take care and effort to try to make something good, well yeah we support that. Maybe all the people that worked on this movie are huge as*h*les. I have no idea, but when it comes to sitting my fat a** down on a theater seat stained with dried cheese, if the movie shows me something, anything new and interesting I'm all for it. Overall the movie gets an F-
  2. Half in the Bag - Alien: Romulus

    Sat, 17 Aug 2024 16:17:45 -0000

    Aliens
    Facehuggers
    Get away from her, you b*tch!
    The Nostromo
    Reebok shoes
    CGI deepfake dead actor deepfakes
    Evil android that's loyal to the company
    black goo
    MU/TH/ER
    Weyland Yutani
    The Engineers
    People in Alien Queen wall cocoons but there's no Alien Queen to put them in the cocoons; it just happens
    Protagonist getting into underwear then having to get into space suit
    Opening hole in the ship to shoot the alien out of the ship
    Every day is an endless nightmare
  3. Half in the Bag: Borderlands

    Mon, 12 Aug 2024 17:53:01 -0000

    Eli Roth made a boom boom. Mike and Jay talks about Borderlands. What a misfire! Odd casting choices. No one want to make. Adult professionals pretend to "care" about characters in video game they never hear of so they can make a check to pay for their yachts and shrimp. The behind the scenes interviews where these clowns pretend to care might be the most cringe rizz eva. Jayme Loins Curtis (daughter of Bill Curtis son of King Arthur of Legend) is so old even Michael Myers is too old to kill her. Even Activa won't eat her old gut rot. She pretends to love and care about her character, Rizzo McPizzo but don't give none sh*ts. Her net worth is 197 million dollars. Why she even work anymore? Just be grandma and let others have roles. Poor Cate Beckenblachett. Is it that hard to find good project? Tar 2: Back to the Tar Pits? You're much better than to play Ronald McDonald's sister. Kevin Hart like cash. We all know that. He sell out super bowl to tell jokes to audience of mongoloid farmers and city-folk who laugh at man on stage. He take role for cash and babbles about how he's learned so much and loved working with other actors, blah blah blah. Hart has over 500 million dollars in his bank now. Little girl who play Tiny Tim cry when she sees Rotten Tomato score. "Am I rotten?" she asks her mommy and daddy. Did I ruin the movie? No. EVERYONE ruin the movie. Especially Eli Roth. Craig Mazin said, "Take my name out you're f**king mouth!" before he slapped this film on live TV. Eli Roth left the set in a jet pack when the filming was done. The second he called action for the first time he realized it was a horrible mistake to cast numerous old ladies in the film who players of this game have never ever heard of. Should have made the cast of TikTok stars or YouTubers like the clown MrBeast. "What have I done?" he say! I ruined the legacy of this game no one has ever heard of! Whoopsie! Off to shoot Thanksgiving. Maybe making this film was a bad dream? Maybe they fix it in post. Doesn't appear to be so. This movie cost 110 million dollars to make. Sad to think that you could have made 110, one million dollar movies. So many interesting stories and ideas and Borderlands is a result of the old school Hollywood bloat and dinosaur thinking. You could have made 200 million dollars uploading a video to YouTube called "I tried all the fast foods and guess which one made me sh*t the most" so many people would have watched that. I'd watch that. End the madness. Art is dead.
  4. Half in the Bag: Deadpool & Wolverine

    Sun, 28 Jul 2024 21:28:55 -0000

    Deadpool's back!
    Marvel's back!
    Disney's back!
    Wolverine's back!

    Everything old is new again, but it's also meta.
  5. Half in the Bag: Longlegs and Arcadian

    Sun, 14 Jul 2024 00:39:38 -0000

    Heeeyyyyyy we saw Longlegs, which is either the scariest movie ever made or the most boringest thing anyone has ever seen. We also saw Arcadian, which is either a real movie or something that Mike and Jay collectively imagined. Both star Nicolas Cage!!!
  6. Half in the Bag - Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga

    Sun, 26 May 2024 16:13:40 -0000

    Jay and Rich talk about the latest box office disappointment in a continuing year of box office disappointments: Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga. Watch the video now before the movie completely fades from the public consciousness because it's a floppppppp....
  7. Half in the Bag: 2024 Mid-year Catch-up (part 2 of 2)

    Wed, 22 May 2024 15:13:18 -0000

    (00:00) The Iron Claw
    (04:55) The Phantom Menace re-release
    (06:15) Last Stop in Yuma County
    (09:57) Time Addicts
    (11:19) Kim's Video
    (15:55) Abigail
    (25:08) Love Lies Bleeding
    (31:46) Mike Forces Jay to Watch an Embarrassing Trailer
  8. Half in the Bag: 2024 Mid-year Catch-up (part 1 of 2)

    Fri, 17 May 2024 20:33:32 -0000

    (00:00) Intro
    (06:42) Curb Your Enthusiasm and Unfrosted
    (11:11) Lousy Carter
    (16:09) Snack Shack
    (23:18) Imaginary and Night Swim
    (34:17) Chucky
  9. Half in the Bag: Late Night with the Devil

    Sat, 27 Apr 2024 15:13:30 -0000

    Mike and Jay discuss the new found-footage-ish demonic movie Late Night with the Devil! But more importantly, they break a very important and rare VCR repair tool or something.
  10. Half in the Bag: Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire

    Sat, 23 Mar 2024 18:06:59 -0000

    Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire is the newest Ghostbusters movie. It's the sequel to the last Ghostbusters movie, which was a franchise reset from the Ghostbusters movie before that one. Do you...do you remember Ghostbusters?
    Mike, Jay, and Rich sit in an empty void to discuss this latest Sony product.

    Do you remember Ghostbusters?
  11. Half in the Bag: Derivative Holiday Horrors

    Fri, 29 Dec 2023 16:01:01 -0000

    The holiday season may be sort of over (except for News Years) but the derivative holiday-related shit films keep pooping out of our TVs. Hi, I'm Porky Fartbag and I'm here today to tell you about Mike and Jay (aka redlettermedia) they do a show called Half in the Bag where they talk about movies. On this episode they watched three recent holiday films: It's a Wonderful Knife, There's Something in the Barn, and Thanksgiving. It would have been more appropriate if there was a News Years Eves film in there too, but such as it goes. While a murderous Santa or horror Christmas film in the 1980's would have caused a stir, today it's par for the course. What, with all the filthy p*rn, shameful home renovation shows , trash music, angry political programing, and TLC fatso shows; a killer Santa Claus seems quaint. However, people keep making these movies hoping to shock or catch a view. They cost very little and can squeeze out a few bucks via the streaming services and their satanic algorithms. Lost is art. Art is no more. It's metrics. It's actuary tables. It's core demographics. It’s titles needed for the streaming service content related algorithm. In fact, we kind of suspect that a computer made these movies for us. Thankfully though, 2023 might be the last year of movies, as I predict sometime in 2024 someone, somewhere will launch or detonate a nuclear weapon. This incident will cause a domino effect on the planet earth. No, not an all-out global thermonuclear war, but certainly chaos. Rebellions, mass migration, power grid failures, supply chain collapse, violent protests, starvation, mass murder and so on. Cities will burn. The planet will go dark and we will all long for a simpler time when we could watch a killer Santa Claus movie and share a laugh around the fireplace.
  12. Half in the Bag: 2023 Catch-up (Part 2)

    Fri, 08 Dec 2023 16:53:37 -0000

    (00:00) Asteroid City
    (05:45) The Flash
    (10:48) Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem
    (13:04) Sanctuary
    (16:03) Suitable Flesh
    (20:39) Aporia
    (26:12) The Killer
    (29:30) TV Shows
  13. Half in the Bag: 2023 Catch-up (Part 1)

    Tue, 28 Nov 2023 17:13:16 -0000

    (00:00) Intro
    (05:26) Comic Book Movies
    (08:19) Creed III
    (12:35) Talk to Me
    (17:40) Scream VI
    (21:46) Insidious: The Red Door
    (24:15) Where's Rose?
    (28:37) The Boogeyman
    (31:01) Beau is Afraid
    (36:14) Five Nights at Freddy's
  14. Half in the Bag: The Exorcist: Believer

    Mon, 09 Oct 2023 20:03:32 -0000

    The power of Christ compels Mike and Jay to see another trash rebootquel cash grab soft-reboot sequel remake. This time, David Gordon Green and Blunhouse have got their dirty, disgusting hands on The Exorcist, one of Jay's favorite movies of all time. Is the movie any good???????? What do you think?????
  15. Half in the Bag: The Kyle Gallner Triple Feature Spectacular!

    Tue, 29 Aug 2023 15:27:29 -0000

    Mike and Jay go down one of the most unexpected rabbit holes of all time! It’s the Kyle Gallner Triple Feature Spectacular! Brought to you by Vudu™ and Loot Crate™ and Quaker Oats™! Mike loves Vudu. It’s an interface his rotting, elderly, dementia-ridden brain can comprehend. It’s where he watches his movies and loves to click on the little pictures and see what other movies people have been in. This time, Mike saw that Jay’s old friend Kyle Gallner has been in 3 movies in the past 6 months or so. Mike watched the three most recent films and got a little something out of each one. He wanted to share them with Jay. And then with you, the internet audience. Are these movies destined to be classics decades from now? Probably not. They are lower budgeted quality independent films that make a heartful attempt at something new. Plus they do not have the words Clown, Shark, or Exorcist in the title. Did billions of people go to see them like the Barbie movie? Or Oppenhomie? Nope. But you can watch them on streaming for a low, low price and get a little bit of enjoyment in your sad lives for a tight 90! Or put them on a “to watch” movie list when the inevitable fallout drought of entertainment arrives as a result of the strike. Mike and Jay give these three films a fair shake, enjoying them all for the most part. Plus as an added bonus, both Mike and Jay tell stories from their brief but terrible experience on movie sets. Mike also pitches one of his worst movie ideas yet! Everyone can have a laugh at the expense of others! So open a cold frosty beverage of your choice. Sit back and relax. And prepare to watch two brain dead bumpkins from the mid-west struggle to form sentences out of their mouths filled with cheese curds, beer, and wallpaper paste. It’s the Kyle Gallner Triple Feature Spectacular!!!!!!!